The Incessant Santa

The other day my step mother thoughtfully gifted my 2 year old daughter a motion activated singing santa. Seems cute, right?? There is NO off button, NONE. Judging by the number of times it sings in a day, I am almost certain that the motion that sets off said jingle, also charges the batteries.

Now I know what she was doing. She had been gifted this singing Santa herself in a secret Santa swap. To save herself from a lifetime of motion induced jingles she thought she would pass him along to his next home. I don’t blame her, I really don’t, but while this singing Santa is slowly driving me senseless, I sit here plotting either my revenge, or my own passing on of this Christmas cruelty.

Who originally bought the singing Santa?? I can almost understand what they were doing there. I imagine they thought it was funny, a jingle that cannot be turned off. There was a time when I would have thought that too. I know better now. They couldn’t possibly have imagined that the battery would last forever.

I am forced to wonder what sort of unpleasant person could construct such an infuriating piece of plastic??   I think I have to assume they are either mad themselves or suffered some sort of Christmas upset. Did Santa skip by them one year?? Did he bring something they hadn’t asked for?? Was the great Santa secret revealed to soon?? WHAT WAS IT?!?!

And then I wonder, just how old is this Santa?? Was he created and purchased this year?? Or has he spent season upon season moving from home to home?? How many homes have been afflicted by the holiday horror of non stop jingles??

I know what you are thinking, just throw the singing Santa away. I would have said that too. It seems like it would be the simplest solution, however the madness has consumed me now and I fear that once it has left my house amongst the trash, that it would soon be resurrected by scavenging squirrels or seagulls and somehow make it’s way back to me. It would forever haunt me. Instead I must pass it along so it can safely resume its journey of torment on whoever hears its song.

Be wary my friends, Santa is coming to town.