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How to Make a Pizza in 10 Easy Steps

  1. Look at clock, realize you do not have anything prepared for supper, take stock of things in the cupboard and fridge.
  2. Google pizza recipes online, find one with an acceptable number of approval ratings that promises a fast delicious pizza, assure your 3 year old that you are not looking at videos of her.
  3. Set children up with loud flashing toys, move fast, this will buy you exactly 37 seconds before the three year old realizes what you are up to and pulls up a chair to “help”. You will have an additional 89 seconds before the baby realizes what you are both up to.
  4. Remove baby from pantry where there is a large bag of open oats, while reminding the 3 year old, “please don’t splash the flour”
  5. Quickly and as accurately as possible measure ingredients into a bowl, while removing the baby’s fingers from the drawer that she insists on repetitively shutting her fingers into.
  6. Knead and roll out dough as quickly
    as possible, while dancing to avoid the now crying baby’s fingers from locking on to your pant leg, avoiding any expectation of a pick up.
  7. Show 3 year old how to roll a crust on onto the edge of the pizza, so you can distract the baby with raisins on the coffee table. Remind yourself, that this pizza is for eating, there will be no prize for the perfect pizza crust.
  8. Grate cheese, while the 3 year old spoons out the sauce. Remind the baby that the “raisins are for you, not the dog”. Yell at dog, “go lie down!”
  9. Put pizza in oven, turn on oven light, ask 3 year old to tell you when the pizza is ready, put baby beside her to watch the pizza. You now have 58 seconds to pick up raisins off the floor, throw ingredients back into the pantry and put a few dishes into the sink before they realize you have “free time”
  10. Slice pizza, serve pizza and sit down. Re-slice the three year olds pizza to match the baby’s pizza. Sit down. Get the three year old a sippy cup with water and ice. Sit down and enjoy.