on grief

slowly dragged forward
my fingers scramble to cling to anything that might stop time
ten deep lines scar the earth
prominent now
they slowly fade away
as hard as this is
this is familiar
and it’s mine
the earth keeps spinning
when my world has stopped
moving forward means leaving pieces of you behind

-i’m not ready

i press my body against the earth
needing to feel close to you again
my tears water the ground you lie beneath
the sun continues to shine
i hate her for shining
for bringing each new day
the grass has begun to sprout
the earth has moved on
and yet here i am

it comes crashing down
a powerful wave in a furious storm
i’m lost
my lungs on fire
i’m not sure which way is up
not sure if i care
time is undone
and i am brought back to those first days without you
i’m left gasping for air
emotionally spent
but grateful for the reminder

-YOU were HERE

eventually i can let it gently wash over me
as the tide slowly moves in
peacefully
it pulls me out to the sea
for a moment
memory connects us again
the sun warm on my face
the water an understanding friend
giving me the time i need
i gently wash ashore with the returning tide