Memories coursed through her veins
And permeated her being
Until her beauty became indistinguishable from the moments we cherished
seven years
Seven years
since we walked
into labour and delivery,
frantically anticipating
the early arrival of our first born.
Seven years
since we walked
down the sterile hallway,
empty handed,
past the newborn photographer,
what a stupid place to take photos.
Seven years
since we walked
down the gravel road,
arms full of lilies,
past the crab apple trees,
and laid you to rest
amongst the other names
that we know.
Seven long years
since we left you there,
not one day has passed
that we haven’t thought of you.
the trees
Laura’s Tree
She stands
Roots descending deep into the earth, fixed here.
Nature’s breath
A thousand butterflies fluttering to the earth, take flight.
Inconsequential
Made meaningful only by proximity, fleeting fragility.
Good company
Amongst the trees and the old lady who always makes time to chat, ever present.
Stirred reverie
Quivering boughs reminisce the seasons passed, hold dear.
Steadfast homage
Breathe in the billowing petals, transcendent beauty.
those first days ii
six years
they say time heals all wounds
my broken heart says otherwise
time is so repetitious
unrelenting
inescapable
it’s getting warmer and i haven’t smelled a drop of rain in weeks
time
always present in the changing seasons
reminds me where i was years earlier
just when i think i am doing alright
my body remembers
if time heals all wounds
why must this season come each year?
-six years, still waiting
those first days i
you’re so strong
so brave
graceful
they said
as
if
i
had
a
choice
i wanted to tear the sun from the sky
but my fingers couldn’t reach
i wanted to curl up in the centre of the earth
but she wouldn’t make room for me
i wanted to sink to the depths of the sea
but she refused to swallow me up
so i rose each morning instead
on grief
slowly dragged forward
my fingers scramble to cling to anything that might stop time
ten deep lines scar the earth
prominent now
they slowly fade away
as hard as this is
this is familiar
and it’s mine
the earth keeps spinning
when my world has stopped
moving forward means leaving pieces of you behind
-i’m not ready
i press my body against the earth
needing to feel close to you again
my tears water the ground you lie beneath
the sun continues to shine
i hate her for shining
for bringing each new day
the grass has begun to sprout
the earth has moved on
and yet here i am
it comes crashing down
a powerful wave in a furious storm
i’m lost
my lungs on fire
i’m not sure which way is up
not sure if i care
time is undone
and i am brought back to those first days without you
i’m left gasping for air
emotionally spent
but grateful for the reminder
-YOU were HERE
eventually i can let it gently wash over me
as the tide slowly moves in
peacefully
it pulls me out to the sea
for a moment
memory connects us again
the sun warm on my face
the water an understanding friend
giving me the time i need
i gently wash ashore with the returning tide