Grateful Grumbles

As I lie in the dark, listening to the rain pouring down outside, I sink further into the warmth of my bed, pull the covers up, shut my eyes and reflect on my day.  I had taken my two daughters on a walk through the park.  I watched as they excitedly chased birds in an open field, in the distance children pulled at a branch of an apple tree, they cheered as an abundance of fruit rolled down the hill.  People walked their dogs along pristine paths, lined with beautiful gardens, and a helicopter flew overhead.

Never once was I concerned for our safety, never once did anyone look at me as though I didn’t belong there.  My children wore clothing adequate for the cool temperature and light rain, they snacked on oversized buns, too big to even finish in one attempt.  As I soak up their smiles with my memory, I know that we are lucky.  For all of the things that I take for granted, I am lucky.

Out of all the countries in this world, out of all the families in this world, out of all the times the world has seen, out of all of the bodies in this world, I am so lucky to have been born here and now.  I recognize that life could have, just as easily, been very different and for that, I have to acknowledge that I am lucky.

I have a family who loves and supports me.  My parents provided me with a safe and nurturing home.  They encouraged me to take chances and were there for me whenever I needed it.  They continue to be a valuable part of my life.  My husband and I are now able to provide our children with the same beginnings. I am lucky.

I am physically and mentally able to work.  I work hard, but that is because I am able to.  While I do endure some physical limitation in the form of rheumatoid arthritis, free access to good medicine has helped me to live my life with very little restriction.  At this time my children are also in good health.  I am lucky.

I drink, cook with, and bathe in clean water.  So many countries across the world, and even some communities within our own country do not have this access, spending valuable time and energy sourcing out something so basic as safe water.  I am lucky.

I eat nutritious food, and have a pantry full of it.  As a child we didn’t have much money for extras, but I never feared hunger.  My children have never wondered where their next meal was coming from.  I am lucky.

I am able to access free medical care, in my own community, whenever I need it for myself and my children. Never have I had to weigh the balance of my bank account against the concerns of my health.  Never have I had to hike for miles only to find out the help I was seeking was unavailable.  I am lucky.

I attended public school and later government subsidized university.  I had teachers passionate about the subjects they taught and I felt safe while attending.  I was able to live at home while attending high school and university. I drove an old but mostly reliable car and when I couldn’t afford to fix it, my parents helped.  I am lucky.

I have never been on the receiving end of racist jokes, comments or actions.  I have never been told I am worthless.  I have never been made to feel unwanted.  I have never feared for my safety when dealing with the police.  My profile has always worked in my favour.  I am lucky.

Everything I am stems from circumstances completely outside of my control.

Sometimes, when considering the circumstances of others we forget just how much of our own circumstances depend on luck.  We have worked hard, but the opportunity to do so depends so much on the things we have had no control over.

So when our country offers refuge to people in need of safety, I am happy, because they might get to experience the safety I so often take for granted now.  The very real possibility of their limbs being severed from their bodies, their children raped and burned alive in their homes fade into only nightmares as they become a part of a country that cares for physical health and safety.

When our country deems it necessary to send a sizeable donation to countries in need of relief, I am happy, because for just a second they get to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing their children can sleep for one night with a full belly.

When our country offers welfare to individuals and families in need within our own country, I am happy because their basic needs have been met.  When our country makes promises to care for our most vulnerable populations I am hopeful, that they may one day take for granted some of the things I have taken for granted my whole life.

So often compassion arbitrarily stops at a border, as if a person’s worth, health and safety ought to be determined by their place of birth, the colour of their skin, their income level or their physical or mental wellness.  People fear advances for others as if their small step forward is an infringement on the luxuries we did nothing to deserve and feel so entitled to, but why?

Canada has taken care of me for thirty-four years, only five of those, have I contributed any significant amount towards taxes.  I enjoyed medical luxuries beginning with my own cesarean birth, very expensive medications, I attended public school and worked part time while I attended subsidized university, I have had three c-sections, taken two maternity leaves and plan to take another.  Never have I been deemed unworthy, and why?

So as I listen to the rain drumming down on the roof, surrounded by so many luxuries, carelessly strewn about, it is overwhelming acknowledging just how much I have especially when faced with the sharp contrast of the lives of others.  I am grateful, but I know that I am lucky. In so many ways, I am lucky.